Sunday journalling prompt

On the false idol, Not-Good-Enough

I wrote on Friday about the frenzied energy of midsummer, the way it overtakes us at this time of year. We talked about this feeling a lot at last week’s digital retreat - the way this time of year feels. In all this abundance of light and growth, we feel driven to create, to imagine, to enact. 

It should feel delightful, but often it just feels impossible. If there is open space ahead of us, then we surge into it. But if life is already full to the brim, then there is nowhere left to go. The presiding spirit of midsummer is too often frustration. There are a million things we want to do, but we cannot do them. We do not feel burgeoning and abundant. We feel not good enough. 

If we are not careful, we can make a goddess out of Not-Good-Enough, and offer all our devotions to her. She is the patron saint of disappointment, the genius loci of constriction. We feel her presence as a tightness in the throat, an urgent fluttering of the heart when we ought to be sleeping. Her altar is always a little dustier than we intended it to be, but then we don’t have time to tend to it. She sulks in the corner of our room, glowering her disapproval and shame. 

Thankfully, we are not obliged to pay fealty to this false idol. Instead, I’ve got an exercise for you that will hopefully help you to sort through what you want to do, what you can do, and what you feel you ought to do. It’s the perfect time of year for it. Let’s dive in.