Such a great piece. I have a friend who works in Human resources and she was telling me that they have a record number of people on their books who are not alright. People who got through the pandemic but are now really struggling in so many ways. It's the same with our kids at school (I have a 16 and a 17 year old). The outside world seems determined to move and and pretend that Covid is done now, without recognising the deep and lasting impact it has had on so many people.
Definitely - I’m hearing that from so many places. And of course that puts the people who look after other (like HR and Student Services in universities) under enormous strain. It’s a line of dominoes.
I live in Finland in a small, isolated Archipelago and I’ve never known so many people with burnout (I’m originally from Australia). The fact that the world seems to be pushing forward without really acknowledging the impact of covid scares me. I didn’t see my family for 26 months and I’m still recovering from just that aspect of covid. Let alone all the other things like germ anxiety (and crowd anxiety), uncertainty and readjustment to a ‘new’ post-covid normalcy (whatever that means). If so many people are close to the edge of burnout it’s surely not individual anymore, but societal & systematic.
The burnout rates amongst nursing/hospital/medical staff & teachers who juggled their shift to online learning is even higher! It sort of feels like covid is just being swept under the carpet 😥
I totally agree. I acknowledge that for some people they just want to move on (and that's their way of coping) but for so many, that just isn't their reality. It will take a long time for the aftereffects to fade but they'll never go away entirely
I find it peculiar that it’s like covid never happened. I was fortunate and didn’t feel the effects of it as horribly as some, like you not seeing your family for so long. I can’t imagine it. I see it most in the children and teenagers around me who couldn’t socialise and get out. I see it in the shift of focus in work cultures but I feel like organisations haven’t caught up to the fact that people’s values and lives have changed since covid. I’m grateful that we can socialise and travel and go to shows again, but we’re failing to acknowledge that the world changed fundamentally on a global and individual basis.
Funny as I'm on holiday and within 4 days, 4 people have sent me messages beginning "I know you're on holiday but..." and then preceeded to say whatever they want to rant/ask/request. Yesterday, the forth one I responded to saying "I'll listen to this when I'm back from holiday" because I'd had enough. I have really good boundaries with work, it's friends and family where I struggle so your line "I am not your emergency services" really resonated with me and also highlighted that none of the messages were emergencies anyway. Boundaries have become so blurred that people think they have 24hr access to others. And in the workplace, this can be the default culture. Great email!
Yep, I’m definitely always available for friends and family in emergencies - but I do expect people to generally leave me alone on holiday if it’s not urgent. Otherwise it never ends!
This really made me reflect, about emails and work and apologies. Some great insights. The culture of an organisation can really dictate the email etiquette and how responsive people expect you to be. I love what you said - I am not your emergency services! So true! Why have we fallen out of love with just picking up the phone and giving someone a call?
It’s interesting because I’m constitutionally resistant to phone calls, but I’ve realised lately that they can cut down on days and days of emails, and they make a more human connection so less email snark. But I’d hate to be called all the time! It’s tricky.
I get really anxious about just calling people at random. When I worked in an office environment pre-Covid, I was used to it, it’s how business was done and it did make that better connection, which was so important in my role. In self-employment, I didn’t do it at all. Everything was scheduled zoom calls. Then back to the office but all online, remote and the etiquette had changed. In that job, things moved so quickly, I had to call people in between meetings, or use instant messages. The demand was insane. And if you didn’t pick up your phone, the guilt was enormous! In my current job, nobody calls and nobody emails! If you want something done, you just walk to their building and have a coffee - much nicer way to do things.
Me too. I’m re-learning to just call people - socially or professionally. It’s a curve, but it’s been nice! I think some people are quite grateful for it these days.
I agree, I think the instant gratification of the internet has crept into pretty much every region of life. We seem to have lost our patience for things. Everything is so instant and, at the same time, so impersonal in a weird way. We’re more connected to more things and people than ever - but I have felt so disconnected at the same time, and anxious about just spontaneously calling someone. I’ve been changing this recently, but it’s a deep habit to change.
I've noticed I used to get so stressed out by answering "urgent" (??? ...I am also a failing writer) emails that I would ignore friends' messages for weeks at a time. My life is much better since I've started reminding myself what I actually want in my heart of hearts is to attend to my friends and leave work on read for a minute.
I hear you, completely! Funny the anxieties we get around emails and responding. I’ve been terrible over the last year for replying to emails or even texts. Mostly it’s when I am overwhelmed already, that feels like another step too far.
And yet I’d think nothing of responding to someone on social media. Surface level communication wasn’t an issue. I could small talk until the cows came home. But the deeper, vulnerable stuff, that was too much. Maybe it’s not the email at all - but the self-worth we attach to it?
Love this so much and it resonates so strongly. I was diagnosed autistic ADHD last year at 45 and spent years ‘pushing through’ (most noticeably during the pandemic and ever since). That plus big changes at work, caring full time for my 11yo autistic son who has not been able to leave the house for 8 months now due to total burnout and school trauma, and perimenopause and I also totally hit the peak of burnout. I’ve been off sick for 6 months and cannot return to my job. Your books have helped so much, and you write so beautifully. It’s scary but I am using this as an opportunity to understand myself better, recognise my needs and find a way of living and working that is sustainable and also allows me to thrive and be passionate about my work again hopefully.
Such a great post! I'm Italian, I'm a teacher to 11-14y young adults and I everyday face families that undoubtely show the Good Student Syndrome. Their children are defeated, burned out (existentially, as you and Emma Gannon point out) even before university. Suicide is a valuable option for students, then. School has to radically change its goals and become a tool made of hope...
I can't tell you how timely this is for me. Yesterday, I had an anxiety attack in a HomeGoods parking lot because I've been ruminating lately on various big life questions — namely, whether to move in or go nomad with my partner, and whether to take a new job offer that was aligned with my passion but would cut my paycheck in half and force me to move across the country — and it had me questioning all my values and what really mattered to me. The weight of it all was exceedingly heavy and I suppose a breakdown is what I needed to show me that! Thank you so much for sharing this idea of existential burnout, this seems like exactly how I've been feeling, and I'm so grateful to now have some words to describe it.
Oh man, I am absolutely one of those people who felt like they emerged from the pandemic relatively unscathed, but I am absolutely hitting a wall. I am in the midst of big life change (finishing graduate school, moving to take a new job, selling/buying a house), and i am so, so fortunate to have so many good things going for me. But that doesn’t mean that I am not also exhausted by it all. I’ve been pushing hard for a long time now. And every time I mention that I am struggling people say “oh but it’s such good stuff to be struggling with!” Which I know is meant as supportive but it just feels like I “shouldn’t” feel burned out because the causes are so positive.
A big yes to all of this! I was a good student - I climbed the ladder: university, good job, promotion etc. It was exhausting, and I haven't had more than two weeks off work since I graduated in 1996.
I turn 50 next year, and a friend recently asked if I had a bucket list. I don't have a bucket list, but if I did, it would simply say do nothing and rest afterwards!
Kaspa was chased twice for a lack of email reply this week within less than 24 hours - I will forward them this newsletter as it will make them happy! Happy Sunday Katherine x
Thank you, an important read. As a good student I can relate to much of it, and also reassuring to see that someone else doesn't reply within 24 hours as well.
I’m training myself to be less responsive (partly because I now have an assistant and I need to not swoop in and reply before she even gets a chance). But old habits die hard. It’s not easy.
Thank you for writing this, it’s given me so much to think about and really resonated. I’ve been finding making choices over work (I’m freelance in various different roles) really difficult lately. Stuff I’d normally love is becoming so tiring and I can see it happen with friends and family. I think I need to rebuild my boundaries with stronger stuff!
Cal Newport (a computer science prof at Georgetown) has some interesting perspectives on email and work and how the two are often unrelated. Digital Minimalism is probably his most salient book on the topic, but Deep Work has some connections too.
I loved this so much. I have been thinking for some time now that I have become a slave to my Inbox - like my Inbox is in charge of me and I must turn to it multiple times a day and say "Yes Boss? What now?" or "Sorry I haven't checked in with you for two hours but I was doing X errand." And for what? All so that I can check and have three survey requests from Australia Post about one parcel that was sent? No matter how many times I unsubscribe they keep popping up. What do they want from me? Can't we just all work to the basis that if my parcel doesn't arrive, or it arrives damaged I'll be in touch but if not then I really have nothing else to say? To me, this is an excellent example of how ridiculous the email situation has become.
Thanks for this thoughtful read. "Anything - anything - but address the structural impossibilities of the contemporary world." Not only are out daily work and family routines overextended, our attention is usurped continually (apparently the average person swipe their phone an average of 2,617 times daily and 87.8% of users feel anxious when they leave their phones at home). We are attentionally burned out and distracted out of our senses. Turning our thoughts to play offers some relief; in addition deliberate practice of 'cognitive liberty' may help to restore our mental well-being. In my most recent post I made an open invitation to join in a community for a 30-day 'digital detox' based on Cal Newport's 'Digital Minimalism' in May.
At the end of the month, I will invite readers to share their experiences and will compile an essay of ‘cognitive liberty’ practices that worked, the books that were read, the meals that were cooked, and the beautiful things that were created.
Anyone else gasp in horror about the iceberg cowboys because the thought that they might be tapping into a deadly frozen plague crossed your mind? No? Just me? 🫠🤷🏻♀️
Such a great piece. I have a friend who works in Human resources and she was telling me that they have a record number of people on their books who are not alright. People who got through the pandemic but are now really struggling in so many ways. It's the same with our kids at school (I have a 16 and a 17 year old). The outside world seems determined to move and and pretend that Covid is done now, without recognising the deep and lasting impact it has had on so many people.
Definitely - I’m hearing that from so many places. And of course that puts the people who look after other (like HR and Student Services in universities) under enormous strain. It’s a line of dominoes.
I live in Finland in a small, isolated Archipelago and I’ve never known so many people with burnout (I’m originally from Australia). The fact that the world seems to be pushing forward without really acknowledging the impact of covid scares me. I didn’t see my family for 26 months and I’m still recovering from just that aspect of covid. Let alone all the other things like germ anxiety (and crowd anxiety), uncertainty and readjustment to a ‘new’ post-covid normalcy (whatever that means). If so many people are close to the edge of burnout it’s surely not individual anymore, but societal & systematic.
The burnout rates amongst nursing/hospital/medical staff & teachers who juggled their shift to online learning is even higher! It sort of feels like covid is just being swept under the carpet 😥
I totally agree. I acknowledge that for some people they just want to move on (and that's their way of coping) but for so many, that just isn't their reality. It will take a long time for the aftereffects to fade but they'll never go away entirely
I find it peculiar that it’s like covid never happened. I was fortunate and didn’t feel the effects of it as horribly as some, like you not seeing your family for so long. I can’t imagine it. I see it most in the children and teenagers around me who couldn’t socialise and get out. I see it in the shift of focus in work cultures but I feel like organisations haven’t caught up to the fact that people’s values and lives have changed since covid. I’m grateful that we can socialise and travel and go to shows again, but we’re failing to acknowledge that the world changed fundamentally on a global and individual basis.
The “crowd anxiety” is real. Thank you for putting a name to what I feel at times when I am out and about 🌿
Funny as I'm on holiday and within 4 days, 4 people have sent me messages beginning "I know you're on holiday but..." and then preceeded to say whatever they want to rant/ask/request. Yesterday, the forth one I responded to saying "I'll listen to this when I'm back from holiday" because I'd had enough. I have really good boundaries with work, it's friends and family where I struggle so your line "I am not your emergency services" really resonated with me and also highlighted that none of the messages were emergencies anyway. Boundaries have become so blurred that people think they have 24hr access to others. And in the workplace, this can be the default culture. Great email!
Yep, I’m definitely always available for friends and family in emergencies - but I do expect people to generally leave me alone on holiday if it’s not urgent. Otherwise it never ends!
This really made me reflect, about emails and work and apologies. Some great insights. The culture of an organisation can really dictate the email etiquette and how responsive people expect you to be. I love what you said - I am not your emergency services! So true! Why have we fallen out of love with just picking up the phone and giving someone a call?
It’s interesting because I’m constitutionally resistant to phone calls, but I’ve realised lately that they can cut down on days and days of emails, and they make a more human connection so less email snark. But I’d hate to be called all the time! It’s tricky.
I get really anxious about just calling people at random. When I worked in an office environment pre-Covid, I was used to it, it’s how business was done and it did make that better connection, which was so important in my role. In self-employment, I didn’t do it at all. Everything was scheduled zoom calls. Then back to the office but all online, remote and the etiquette had changed. In that job, things moved so quickly, I had to call people in between meetings, or use instant messages. The demand was insane. And if you didn’t pick up your phone, the guilt was enormous! In my current job, nobody calls and nobody emails! If you want something done, you just walk to their building and have a coffee - much nicer way to do things.
I do worry that Zoom now means we’re just constantly meeting and there’s no room for anything else.
Me too. I’m re-learning to just call people - socially or professionally. It’s a curve, but it’s been nice! I think some people are quite grateful for it these days.
The same thing bothered me. I believe that is a result of the Internet's information flow.
I agree, I think the instant gratification of the internet has crept into pretty much every region of life. We seem to have lost our patience for things. Everything is so instant and, at the same time, so impersonal in a weird way. We’re more connected to more things and people than ever - but I have felt so disconnected at the same time, and anxious about just spontaneously calling someone. I’ve been changing this recently, but it’s a deep habit to change.
I've noticed I used to get so stressed out by answering "urgent" (??? ...I am also a failing writer) emails that I would ignore friends' messages for weeks at a time. My life is much better since I've started reminding myself what I actually want in my heart of hearts is to attend to my friends and leave work on read for a minute.
I hear you, completely! Funny the anxieties we get around emails and responding. I’ve been terrible over the last year for replying to emails or even texts. Mostly it’s when I am overwhelmed already, that feels like another step too far.
And yet I’d think nothing of responding to someone on social media. Surface level communication wasn’t an issue. I could small talk until the cows came home. But the deeper, vulnerable stuff, that was too much. Maybe it’s not the email at all - but the self-worth we attach to it?
Love this so much and it resonates so strongly. I was diagnosed autistic ADHD last year at 45 and spent years ‘pushing through’ (most noticeably during the pandemic and ever since). That plus big changes at work, caring full time for my 11yo autistic son who has not been able to leave the house for 8 months now due to total burnout and school trauma, and perimenopause and I also totally hit the peak of burnout. I’ve been off sick for 6 months and cannot return to my job. Your books have helped so much, and you write so beautifully. It’s scary but I am using this as an opportunity to understand myself better, recognise my needs and find a way of living and working that is sustainable and also allows me to thrive and be passionate about my work again hopefully.
Happy to help! It sounds like you really need a deep reset and I’m so glad you’re able to do it 🤍
Such a great post! I'm Italian, I'm a teacher to 11-14y young adults and I everyday face families that undoubtely show the Good Student Syndrome. Their children are defeated, burned out (existentially, as you and Emma Gannon point out) even before university. Suicide is a valuable option for students, then. School has to radically change its goals and become a tool made of hope...
Ugh, those poor kids!
I can't tell you how timely this is for me. Yesterday, I had an anxiety attack in a HomeGoods parking lot because I've been ruminating lately on various big life questions — namely, whether to move in or go nomad with my partner, and whether to take a new job offer that was aligned with my passion but would cut my paycheck in half and force me to move across the country — and it had me questioning all my values and what really mattered to me. The weight of it all was exceedingly heavy and I suppose a breakdown is what I needed to show me that! Thank you so much for sharing this idea of existential burnout, this seems like exactly how I've been feeling, and I'm so grateful to now have some words to describe it.
Those are huge decisions! It's no wonder they're having a big effect. Take care of yourself :)
Oh man, I am absolutely one of those people who felt like they emerged from the pandemic relatively unscathed, but I am absolutely hitting a wall. I am in the midst of big life change (finishing graduate school, moving to take a new job, selling/buying a house), and i am so, so fortunate to have so many good things going for me. But that doesn’t mean that I am not also exhausted by it all. I’ve been pushing hard for a long time now. And every time I mention that I am struggling people say “oh but it’s such good stuff to be struggling with!” Which I know is meant as supportive but it just feels like I “shouldn’t” feel burned out because the causes are so positive.
Ah yes, it's well-intentioned to say you have good stuff to stuggle with, but it's still exhausting! All these decisions and changes are huge.
A big yes to all of this! I was a good student - I climbed the ladder: university, good job, promotion etc. It was exhausting, and I haven't had more than two weeks off work since I graduated in 1996.
I turn 50 next year, and a friend recently asked if I had a bucket list. I don't have a bucket list, but if I did, it would simply say do nothing and rest afterwards!
I hope you’re having a peaceful weekend. 🌱🍃🌿
(Inspired by the Spanish proverb: ‘How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.’) 🤍
Oh, that "good student" archetype hits a nerve. ⚡️
it was a trap!
Kaspa was chased twice for a lack of email reply this week within less than 24 hours - I will forward them this newsletter as it will make them happy! Happy Sunday Katherine x
That is just... I have no words. Happy (email-free) Sunday!
Thank you, an important read. As a good student I can relate to much of it, and also reassuring to see that someone else doesn't reply within 24 hours as well.
I’m training myself to be less responsive (partly because I now have an assistant and I need to not swoop in and reply before she even gets a chance). But old habits die hard. It’s not easy.
Thank you for writing this, it’s given me so much to think about and really resonated. I’ve been finding making choices over work (I’m freelance in various different roles) really difficult lately. Stuff I’d normally love is becoming so tiring and I can see it happen with friends and family. I think I need to rebuild my boundaries with stronger stuff!
Cal Newport (a computer science prof at Georgetown) has some interesting perspectives on email and work and how the two are often unrelated. Digital Minimalism is probably his most salient book on the topic, but Deep Work has some connections too.
I loved this so much. I have been thinking for some time now that I have become a slave to my Inbox - like my Inbox is in charge of me and I must turn to it multiple times a day and say "Yes Boss? What now?" or "Sorry I haven't checked in with you for two hours but I was doing X errand." And for what? All so that I can check and have three survey requests from Australia Post about one parcel that was sent? No matter how many times I unsubscribe they keep popping up. What do they want from me? Can't we just all work to the basis that if my parcel doesn't arrive, or it arrives damaged I'll be in touch but if not then I really have nothing else to say? To me, this is an excellent example of how ridiculous the email situation has become.
Thanks for this thoughtful read. "Anything - anything - but address the structural impossibilities of the contemporary world." Not only are out daily work and family routines overextended, our attention is usurped continually (apparently the average person swipe their phone an average of 2,617 times daily and 87.8% of users feel anxious when they leave their phones at home). We are attentionally burned out and distracted out of our senses. Turning our thoughts to play offers some relief; in addition deliberate practice of 'cognitive liberty' may help to restore our mental well-being. In my most recent post I made an open invitation to join in a community for a 30-day 'digital detox' based on Cal Newport's 'Digital Minimalism' in May.
At the end of the month, I will invite readers to share their experiences and will compile an essay of ‘cognitive liberty’ practices that worked, the books that were read, the meals that were cooked, and the beautiful things that were created.
Anyone is welcome to join, simply leave a note in the comment section:) https://schooloftheunconformed.substack.com/p/from-feeding-moloch-to-digital-minimalism
Anyone else gasp in horror about the iceberg cowboys because the thought that they might be tapping into a deadly frozen plague crossed your mind? No? Just me? 🫠🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for this, Katherine!