✎Subscriber thread: Introvert parties
How do you celebrate big moments if you're not a party person?
Hello,
My 25th wedding anniversary is looming, and I’m throwing a party. This is not exactly my strongest suit; I am no lover of parties. But then, some things are too important to skip. It’s so easy to let life pass by unmarked.
A venue is booked, and there will be music and food and hopefully also dancing (mainly from H, who loves to burn up a dancefloor). But I’m curious to know: how do you approach these big celebrations? Do you go for the traditional big room of people, or do you have an alternative strategy? Do you have any excellent tips for introverted partying? Or maybe you’re the life and soul, and you can explain what makes you love these moments?
Hit me with your party tips. Or share your party gripes. I’m here for it all.
Yours, in diffuse terror,
Katherine 🥳
If you think a friend or loved one would enjoy The Clearing by Katherine May, gift subscriptions are available here | Website | Buy: Enchantment UK /US | Buy: Wintering UK / US | Buy: The Electricity of Every Living Thing UK / US
This newsletter may contain affiliate links.
WELL.
First: happy anniversary! A quarter century!
Second: big parties. I hear you. I don't love big parties where I don't know anyone, and Susan can usually be found by my side, digging her nails into my hand. That said, we, like H, love to dance and no one has ever run away in screaming shock after seeing us.
I have no hard and fast rule, beyond: invite people you truly love (or at least like), and who might love each other if they don't already. Play great music. Have some old photos available if you're comfortable with that. I remember going to a big party a few years back and the host had invited at least three people they weren't speaking to outside the confines of event, which felt bizarre and obligatory to me. Invite people you love to spend time with. Did I say that? There, I've said it again. Also, I think that parties offering short-break areas -- parties that have an outdoor space where people can get some air, or where there might be a garden; parties near the water -- are a good idea. I say NYET to games, which generally make me want to hide under the table, and I think most people agree.
Oh Katherine,
I am so looking forward to hearing people's ideas. I spent many years preparing for my 50th birthday, and starting in my early 40's I began envisioning it. It would be a gathering of women, around a campfire, and there would be appreciations and heartfelt connection. It would leave me feeling connected and seen -- no one would be invited who would leave me feeling worse about myself after they spoke. This became a touchstone throuhg my 40s -- is this someone who I will invite to my 50th birthday? or not? I threw the party, and everyone who came (about 9 women) laughed, cried, told stories, and when the night was ending they told me it would be a public service if I would hold the party every year. I've done so, and it's been remarkable. We pose 1 question each year, and everyone gets a turn to talk about their lives to the extent they want. It grounds me with my people, and welcomes new ones in.