I think clothes are also a form of communication, a language, and we can use them to tell people that we like ourselves, or maybe that we like colours or patterns, or maybe even tell people what sort of person we are. I think that's why occasion dressing is so difficult - we don't know what we want to say ! Good luck xxx
I struggle with dresses, too. Too tailored and they feel claustrophobic! H&M usually has something that works: loose enough, but interesting and often a bit edgy. It satisfies every age inside me. And now let’s talk about shorts! Does anyone of a certain age find them necessary but also unbearable?
I continue to grapple with being at ease in a body that is constantly changing and having to dress it. I recently had to do fancy dress for a symphony - (‘crisis’ no.1) followed by meeting a couple of people I hadn’t seen for many years. Some soul searching and scrolling ensued.
I think it does take practice to find that neutral but relatively happy place with dressing oneself when attending special events. Tricky!
I also wear the same things most days and have found that to be such a relief. Thank you so much for your post. And for your inclusiveness. I am a big fan!
I'm 4'11" -- most dresses drown me and I so often look like I'm plyaing dress-up (despite being 62!) but my body likes dresses -- I like loose dresses and skirts and gorgeous scarfs and shawls that seem to find me wherever I go. I wear them with thick jumpers (cold house and they're good for all but a few months of Brittany summer). These clothes are not made for tramping round the local forest or cooking meals or hours editing and writing, but I'm way beyond caring whether they are right for the occassion. Somehow if I'm at ease they will be fine :)
This is such a pertinent post for me. I used to revel in clothes and treated my wardrobe like a vast dressing up box. The last couple of years has changed all that. I lost any sense of myself inside and out. I am in the process of putting myself back together and trying to figure out how I want to dress myself without punishing myself and my body. It’s a tough one. I wish you luck finding the dress. Jason and the kids bought me a Kemi Telford dress for my birthday a couple of years ago. You probably know her stuff and it may not be for you but the sizing is generous and the fabrics are not bland xx
Dresses. Pah! I thought I'd nailed it for a ceremony a few weeks ago - bright green Hobbs dress from the charity shop, my funky coat that doubles as long jacket, black Vivoboots from a sale. But no, bloody freezing, and blisters as my feet have spread so much from two years in blissful barefoot shoes. I did, however, look (imagine the italics) suitable.
What I want is a posh trouser suit that miraculously makes me four inches taller. And a plain t shirt to go under it that equally miraculously shrinks four inches off my bust, even if I have thermals underneath. Or to get over myself and realise that no one actually has any expectations of me other than not to fall over at a critical moment.
I have simplified my wardrobe to quieten some of the noise in my too busy head and to avoid decision fatigue - three main colours and style I like but also feel comfortable in. I had a break through a few years ago when I realised I thoroughly dislike dresses and should stop buying them - even fit formal occasions. I just don't feel like myself in them - since making that decision I've never looked back 💜
I did the same- only in reverse. Years ago I decided that I didn't like the way I looked in pants or the way they made my body feel. Since then I have only worn skirts or dresses. It simplifies buying clothes and I always feel comfortable. Although I understand that my way of dressing wouldn't be practical for people living in colder climates. (I live in Northern California, so it never gets that cold.)
Love this, after many clothing purchases that “future” me (whoever that was) would “one day” wear (never worn or worn uncomfortably once) geometric patterns, florals, pastels…. The list goes on…. I’ve realised, thanks to this piece, the joy, comfort, sanity and relief of embracing neutral!!
I know only too well the temptation to buy for an imaginary future self (who’s maybe a teeny bit smaller and less exhausted). I threw out a whole load of ‘maybe future me’ clothes at the beginning of this year!
I so so relate to all of this. I think what’s driven me to return to sewing is the hope I might make something that actually feels like it fits.
My other solution has been to get an enormous tattoo this past week. No one will ever notice how my clothes fit again as it’s so distracting 🤣 I just wrote about it in a post and how getting it made me feel like I got to choose how my body was perceived rather than the outside world’s gaze choosing. I feel like we are thinking similarly this week, @Katherine. 🩷
I also just finished reading Rebecca Solnit’s Recollections of My Non-Existence and I feel like everyone here must read it as she really gets into the heart if what makes us feel shit and resentful about going around in clothes out in the world in the first place.
May you find something both neutral and comfortable, but also the teeniest bit fun, too. ✨
I do enjoy a dress for everyday. I know the midi dress plus denim jacket plus trainers is old hat now but it’s SO comfortable. Plus it has the benefit for work/ weird spring weather that I can wear bare legs but not have ‘too much’ skin out.
I think clothes are also a form of communication, a language, and we can use them to tell people that we like ourselves, or maybe that we like colours or patterns, or maybe even tell people what sort of person we are. I think that's why occasion dressing is so difficult - we don't know what we want to say ! Good luck xxx
I'm the sartorial equivalent of lost for words!
I struggle with dresses, too. Too tailored and they feel claustrophobic! H&M usually has something that works: loose enough, but interesting and often a bit edgy. It satisfies every age inside me. And now let’s talk about shorts! Does anyone of a certain age find them necessary but also unbearable?
Yes to the shorts thing!
Yes, shorts and then there’s the length of them….
oh god shorts. I could write a whole BOOK on shorts.
It is so comforting to hear this from you!
I continue to grapple with being at ease in a body that is constantly changing and having to dress it. I recently had to do fancy dress for a symphony - (‘crisis’ no.1) followed by meeting a couple of people I hadn’t seen for many years. Some soul searching and scrolling ensued.
I think it does take practice to find that neutral but relatively happy place with dressing oneself when attending special events. Tricky!
I also wear the same things most days and have found that to be such a relief. Thank you so much for your post. And for your inclusiveness. I am a big fan!
I would have absolutely no idea how to dress for a symphony. I think that would cause a week’s worth of panic!
I'm 4'11" -- most dresses drown me and I so often look like I'm plyaing dress-up (despite being 62!) but my body likes dresses -- I like loose dresses and skirts and gorgeous scarfs and shawls that seem to find me wherever I go. I wear them with thick jumpers (cold house and they're good for all but a few months of Brittany summer). These clothes are not made for tramping round the local forest or cooking meals or hours editing and writing, but I'm way beyond caring whether they are right for the occassion. Somehow if I'm at ease they will be fine :)
This is such a pertinent post for me. I used to revel in clothes and treated my wardrobe like a vast dressing up box. The last couple of years has changed all that. I lost any sense of myself inside and out. I am in the process of putting myself back together and trying to figure out how I want to dress myself without punishing myself and my body. It’s a tough one. I wish you luck finding the dress. Jason and the kids bought me a Kemi Telford dress for my birthday a couple of years ago. You probably know her stuff and it may not be for you but the sizing is generous and the fabrics are not bland xx
Oh no! If you feel lost about this stuff, I’m completely scuppered!!
Dresses. Pah! I thought I'd nailed it for a ceremony a few weeks ago - bright green Hobbs dress from the charity shop, my funky coat that doubles as long jacket, black Vivoboots from a sale. But no, bloody freezing, and blisters as my feet have spread so much from two years in blissful barefoot shoes. I did, however, look (imagine the italics) suitable.
What I want is a posh trouser suit that miraculously makes me four inches taller. And a plain t shirt to go under it that equally miraculously shrinks four inches off my bust, even if I have thermals underneath. Or to get over myself and realise that no one actually has any expectations of me other than not to fall over at a critical moment.
I can't even guarantee the 'not falling over' bit tbh
😂
I have simplified my wardrobe to quieten some of the noise in my too busy head and to avoid decision fatigue - three main colours and style I like but also feel comfortable in. I had a break through a few years ago when I realised I thoroughly dislike dresses and should stop buying them - even fit formal occasions. I just don't feel like myself in them - since making that decision I've never looked back 💜
I did the same- only in reverse. Years ago I decided that I didn't like the way I looked in pants or the way they made my body feel. Since then I have only worn skirts or dresses. It simplifies buying clothes and I always feel comfortable. Although I understand that my way of dressing wouldn't be practical for people living in colder climates. (I live in Northern California, so it never gets that cold.)
Love this, after many clothing purchases that “future” me (whoever that was) would “one day” wear (never worn or worn uncomfortably once) geometric patterns, florals, pastels…. The list goes on…. I’ve realised, thanks to this piece, the joy, comfort, sanity and relief of embracing neutral!!
I know only too well the temptation to buy for an imaginary future self (who’s maybe a teeny bit smaller and less exhausted). I threw out a whole load of ‘maybe future me’ clothes at the beginning of this year!
Perfect ! “Maybe future me” sums it up and exactly the style I will avoid searching for.
I feel every word of this, Katherine. Thank you for sharing it.
Yes. To all of this! It’s frustrating and exhausting to attempt to navigate an endless sea of options where none of the seem remotely right
I so so relate to all of this. I think what’s driven me to return to sewing is the hope I might make something that actually feels like it fits.
My other solution has been to get an enormous tattoo this past week. No one will ever notice how my clothes fit again as it’s so distracting 🤣 I just wrote about it in a post and how getting it made me feel like I got to choose how my body was perceived rather than the outside world’s gaze choosing. I feel like we are thinking similarly this week, @Katherine. 🩷
I also just finished reading Rebecca Solnit’s Recollections of My Non-Existence and I feel like everyone here must read it as she really gets into the heart if what makes us feel shit and resentful about going around in clothes out in the world in the first place.
May you find something both neutral and comfortable, but also the teeniest bit fun, too. ✨
I can absolutely relate to this at this particular season of my life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this 💕
So relatable. Thanks for the honest reflection!
It definitely did!
I do enjoy a dress for everyday. I know the midi dress plus denim jacket plus trainers is old hat now but it’s SO comfortable. Plus it has the benefit for work/ weird spring weather that I can wear bare legs but not have ‘too much’ skin out.