WOW WOW WOW Katherine! "My capacity does not match my desire." YES. I felt this so deeply. As you said, our limitations/slowness continue to increase as we age, and some of us deal with limitations much more than others, much earlier than others. The balance of pushing against our limitations and knowing when to stop--that balance is often too fine a line to manage, so we do our best...sometimes the discouragement of not fulfilling our capacity and sometimes burning out too quickly for trying to reach our desires. I struggle so frequently trying to find that balance. This post was comforting---many of us in this community connect so much with this struggle for balance--limitations we wish would go away. Thank you for writing this--xoxo
The roar--this is fantastically apt, I feel it too and have never given a name to it, somehow acknowledging it as it is feels revelatory. It also reminds me of the Jacobean era play the Roaring Girl, about Moll Cutpurse, a woman who refused to act as society wanted, gender-bending and stealing and all other mayhem.
The Roar. Yes. We are familiar with one another. But being disabled led me to soften the edges of the animal. And my latest Dx if ME/CFS (chronic fatigue) to add to the chronic pain has softened the edges even more. I still feel the beast, but I pay it much less mind than I once did. I know I must guard my precious energy, and while there a heaps and heaps of things I’d ‘like’ to get done, ce n’est pas possible. I have made an edgy peace with the Roar. I do what I can and the rest will simply have to wait for me to have the energy or send out an SOS to dear friends who will come and help me. That’s it. The end. The Roar is much quieter these days.
oh, i can feel this one in my bones. the desire to touch, taste, engage with it all. expand the hours while also needing rest. the Roar as you so succinctly named it burrows into my head as a migraine (today-ugh) taunts me. or does it? is it reminding me that slowing down is expansion. ah, ya got me pondering. thank you so much for this!
The bars of our constraints . Much like an architect of my writing life I experienced a similar angst this past Weds that was relentless. It took the day to reframed the cage with a doorway and released my inner wild thing by having leaned into the eyes of the beast and allowed it to go outdoors and play! Its recently returned as an oversized fly and let it find its way out thru an open door. May your wild beast be able to give way.
Mmm will maybe see my immune system playing up as a wild thing, i like the idea of it being wild with sleek fur and throwing it some meat. Strangely through infections I have done some of my best writing and miraculously have met MA deadlines at CCCU . I will put the kettle on and have a word with the wild thing probably cross because I have ended antibiotics!
I really relate to what you said. It is through my dark times, through my limitations (often physical but mental also) that the deepest version of myself has been formed. We lose much, and we can a unique and deeper perspective through this loss.
Thank you Katherine.. Yet again you beautifully capture feelings that I SO recognise but which I have allowed to growl and creep inside me without a name. “The roar” - perfect!
Yes to this! Also, sad to miss you in Balham as am on holiday but happy because how did I not know about Backstory Books when I live so close!! I will visit this week and hope your event on 20th goes well.
The Roar ! I really needed to have read your post yesterday, Saturday , Kathryn .. I really had that “bad friend “ visit me yesterday …but this morning i have read your resonating words…plus wrote screeds in my journal ….The sun is shining brilliantly and today….is going to be a glorious day …all of yesterdays gripes quietly put away. Thank you and all the other relevant and helpful comments . Happy Mother’s Day for those out there . Even if we just have to say it to ourselves …🌻
WOW WOW WOW Katherine! "My capacity does not match my desire." YES. I felt this so deeply. As you said, our limitations/slowness continue to increase as we age, and some of us deal with limitations much more than others, much earlier than others. The balance of pushing against our limitations and knowing when to stop--that balance is often too fine a line to manage, so we do our best...sometimes the discouragement of not fulfilling our capacity and sometimes burning out too quickly for trying to reach our desires. I struggle so frequently trying to find that balance. This post was comforting---many of us in this community connect so much with this struggle for balance--limitations we wish would go away. Thank you for writing this--xoxo
The roar--this is fantastically apt, I feel it too and have never given a name to it, somehow acknowledging it as it is feels revelatory. It also reminds me of the Jacobean era play the Roaring Girl, about Moll Cutpurse, a woman who refused to act as society wanted, gender-bending and stealing and all other mayhem.
Moll Cutpurse is possibly the best name ever invented.
completely agree! And one text describes her as vindicatrix of slandered women. Total heroine.
The Roar. Yes. We are familiar with one another. But being disabled led me to soften the edges of the animal. And my latest Dx if ME/CFS (chronic fatigue) to add to the chronic pain has softened the edges even more. I still feel the beast, but I pay it much less mind than I once did. I know I must guard my precious energy, and while there a heaps and heaps of things I’d ‘like’ to get done, ce n’est pas possible. I have made an edgy peace with the Roar. I do what I can and the rest will simply have to wait for me to have the energy or send out an SOS to dear friends who will come and help me. That’s it. The end. The Roar is much quieter these days.
oh, i can feel this one in my bones. the desire to touch, taste, engage with it all. expand the hours while also needing rest. the Roar as you so succinctly named it burrows into my head as a migraine (today-ugh) taunts me. or does it? is it reminding me that slowing down is expansion. ah, ya got me pondering. thank you so much for this!
This is magnificent. My heart is still pounding!
THIS!
Katherine, this is SO powerful. I have read it multiple times now as I resonate deeply with your words and experience. Thank you 🙏
utterly superb -- I felt every line of this
The bars of our constraints . Much like an architect of my writing life I experienced a similar angst this past Weds that was relentless. It took the day to reframed the cage with a doorway and released my inner wild thing by having leaned into the eyes of the beast and allowed it to go outdoors and play! Its recently returned as an oversized fly and let it find its way out thru an open door. May your wild beast be able to give way.
Mmm will maybe see my immune system playing up as a wild thing, i like the idea of it being wild with sleek fur and throwing it some meat. Strangely through infections I have done some of my best writing and miraculously have met MA deadlines at CCCU . I will put the kettle on and have a word with the wild thing probably cross because I have ended antibiotics!
I really relate to what you said. It is through my dark times, through my limitations (often physical but mental also) that the deepest version of myself has been formed. We lose much, and we can a unique and deeper perspective through this loss.
Thank you Katherine.. Yet again you beautifully capture feelings that I SO recognise but which I have allowed to growl and creep inside me without a name. “The roar” - perfect!
I just received your book “The Electricity of Every Living Thing” in the mail today. Will I meet The Roaring in it?
Sadly (or happily) not
Yes to this! Also, sad to miss you in Balham as am on holiday but happy because how did I not know about Backstory Books when I live so close!! I will visit this week and hope your event on 20th goes well.
Thanks Ruth! There’s one in Dulwich soon too :)
I'm so excited to hear you talk with Sam Irby! I love her work.
Katherine, do you ever feel like someone has written a thing just for you? Great little read, thank you
My roar perseverates on the most unsavory, unresolvable, circular parts of my life! Wanting gone cranky, fogged.
The Roar ! I really needed to have read your post yesterday, Saturday , Kathryn .. I really had that “bad friend “ visit me yesterday …but this morning i have read your resonating words…plus wrote screeds in my journal ….The sun is shining brilliantly and today….is going to be a glorious day …all of yesterdays gripes quietly put away. Thank you and all the other relevant and helpful comments . Happy Mother’s Day for those out there . Even if we just have to say it to ourselves …🌻